Narcoleptic Uke
by bowlerhatfringe
Summary: Instead of fighting Szayel, Renji finds himself in a fight with Starrk Coyote. But fighting is rather hard when the opponent is literally draping himself all over you, sleeping. RenjixStarrk YAOI UKE!STARRK!


Title: Narcoleptic Uke  
Pairing: RenjixStarrk  
Summary: Instead of fighting Szayel, Renji finds himself in a fight with Starrk Coyote. But fighting is rather hard when the opponent is literally draping himself all over you, sleeping.  
Warnings: Yaoi, lemon, minor cursing, UKE STARRK!, CRACK PAIRING, UBER SEXY-NESS (well I tried, lol)  
Word Count: 2176 (not including A/N's)  
Song: _Never Wanted to Dance_ by_ Mindless Self Indulgence_; album: _If  
_For: the uber awesome **Rabid Fangirl21**. Thank you for introducing me to this pairing, as well as uke!Starrk~!

A/N: Wait wait don't run away, little lambs! *pulls people back* _Embrace_ the crackiness of it, dear innocent children. XD So me and _Rabid Fangirl21_ were PMing each other and she asked if I could do this for her, and I was like 'FO SURE!!! 8D' and I coughed up four uke!Starrk ideas (and she spewed one amazing one at me lol) that I am TOTALLY going to write. I am the ULTIMATE crack pairing lover so this was just...crack-diddly-tastic! :D :D

So my lovelies, drop a review to say what YOU think about uke!Starrk! (Constructive criticism, even a 'not my type' is okay. But I DON'T like flames!!) Authors don't like to be burnt to crisp, you see. It's hard on the hands to write when your fingers are crispy. XD But yeshhhh...You guys should embrace the uke!Starrk! Uke!Starrk will take over the world! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!!! 8D

*ahem*

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach and you and/or others may pass out from the crackiness of it all. XD

BTW: If you ever have a cracky pairing you want me to try, feel free to ask (as long as you tell me the couple and I'm fairly comfortable with it, lol. :)

* * *

Renji ran through the halls of Las Noches, red ponytail flowing behind him. He wasn't really paying attention to DonDochakka who was blathering away. He was focusing on saving Orihime and making it back in one piece to the others.

A drop of reiatsu made him stop right in his tracks and turn on his heels.

Rukia.

DonDochakka noticed Renji's panicked look and he cocked his head to the side. "What?"

Renji shook his head. He couldn't worry about her right now; Rukia wouldn't want that. "Nothing. It was nothing." Renji turned his back, feet almost not obeying.

Rukia would be fine.

"C'mon DonDochakka, we haven't got all day!" said Renji, sprinting once more. DonDochakka whined loudly and tumbled along after him. Renji was thankful for the awkward silence that enveloped the two of them; he could concentrate on locating Orihime's reiatsu. All was quiet.

That is, until DonDochakka suddenly screamed.

Renji whipped around with his tattooed eyebrows nearly disappearing under his bandana. "DonDochakka?!" Renji's mouth hung open as he saw the hollow fall down a rectangular hole in the floor, his terrified screams still going. "What are you doing?!" An almost silent click registered in Renji's ears and he looked down at the floor...which was no more. "Wha-? AHHHHH!!!!" Renji yelled, falling down the hole. He fell on something smooth and for a moment he was relieved until he realized it was a _fucking slide_!

It was curvy and went in all sorts of directions, weaving and swerving everywhere; Renji could feel it. It went on like this for nearly three minutes, and just as Renji was strangely relaxing, the slide came to an abrupt stop.

Renji coughed as he landed, hard, on his ass. "Damn it. Was that a pitfall?" The exotic redhead coughed violently as dust filled his lungs; cursing lowly as some the crumbled rock stabbed his hand. He heard DonDochakka's distant screaming, but it seemed to be coming from a different room. Hating his dumb luck the dust cleared and Renji let his eyes flicker around. _'This is a pretty open space...damn_.'

Renji stood up and dusted off his shihakusho. He supposed he could go exploring-

"Who's there?" a deep voice asked.

Renji immediately put a hand on Zabimaru's hilt, eyes narrowing. Suddenly a man was a few feet away from him, eyeing him up and down in curiosity.

Renji couldn't help but gape.

This hollow...actually _looked_ like a person. It was a man with thick dark brown hair with a very defined face with a faint goatee on his chin. The only thing that made him look like a hollow was his mask and hollow hole. If he wasn't the enemy, Renji might've considered hitting on- WOW. _'Slow down there, Renji_.' the redhead told himself, blushing furiously at his thoughts.

"Who are you?" the hollow said again. Renji straightened up and narrowed his eyes.

"Lieutenant Abarai Renji, sixth squad. You?" Renji asked. He wanted to know the name of whoever he might fight.

The man cracked a lazy smile suddenly, stretching his arms behind his head while arching his back. Blinking sleepily he rubbed the back of his head. "Starrk Coyote."

Renji frowned. So this guy wasn't going to give him any title of some sorts? "I'm assuming you're stronger than you're letting yourself appear to be." Renji muttered darkly.

Starrk chuckled. "I suppose. Truthfully," Starrk sighed, crossing his arms behind his head, "I don't really want to fight."

Renji cocked a tattooed eyebrow. "Oh?" Renji's mood softened, but the grip on his hilt did not cease to change. "So you'll let me pass to go get my friend?"

Grey eyes scanned Renji, making the redhead shinigami shiver for some bizarre reason. Those grey eyes really looked...dare he say, _sultry_? "I could let you go." Renji thanked his luck for once. "And I could show you to the human girl's quarters." Oh god somebody _really_ loved him up there. "But I can't." Yes! He was going to save Orihime before the others- wait. What?

"What? Why not? You just said you could-"

"I _could_." Starrk said with emphasis on the 'could'. "But at the moment, I cannot do as I please so..." Starrk pulled out his sword, staring at Renji almost amusedly. "Let's dance?"

Renji snorted. At least this would be interesting. "Let's." Renji was surprised when the arrancar made the first move, sword clashing against Zabimaru with a loud clang which rang throughout the vicinity. Grunting with effort Renji pushed Starrk away and swung Zabimaru behind him.

"Howl! Zabimaru!" he cried; the sword becoming jagged and rough almost like an over sized hatchet.

Starrk smiled slightly, looking at Zabimaru with a certain fondness. He swiftly dodged an attack from Renji as the sword stretched forward; Starrk grabbing onto the steel and pulling Renji right in front of him.

Renji went wide eyed. Was his hierro really that hard?! With a grunt he winced as a sword nicked his cheek, but he immediately felt his ears burn when Starrk draped himself on him heavily. Squeaking uncharacteristically, Renji fell down with Zabimaru behind him, making a 'clump' sound.

"What the hell?" Renji shouted, fisting brown wavy hair and making it so Starrk's face was right in front of his. "Were in the middle of a fight! You just can't randomly tackle me like those human _golfers _or whatever their called! That doesn't work in a fight against swords!" Renji's rant was short lived however, when he noticed Starrk was lightly snoring. Flabbergasted, Renji stared at the arrancar stupidly.

"Oh ya gotta be kidding me. He's _sleeping_!" Renji let out an exasperated sigh. He wasn't going to attack a sleeping opponent! That would be low; too low for Renji.

"...You're not too bad when you're sleepin'." Renji said aloud, unconsciously stroking Starrk's rough stubbly chin with his thumb. He flinched as Starrk snored loudly, adjusting himself on Renji so that he was straddling him flush against Renji's body.

Renji turned red all the way to the root of his hairs, not appreciating the fact that this dozing arrancar was sending all the blood in his flushed cheeks to his groin. Renji squirmed as Starrk adjusted himself on his body even more; arms wrapping around his neck and his legs folded behind Renji's back. Renji gasped involuntarily as he felt his hips connect with the arrancar's own; fighting the urge to buck up. _'What the hell am I doing!_' he thought to himself fiercely.

Then those hips shifted on Renji and his hands immediately dropped Starrk's face, heading right to the arrancar's hips. Renji groaned a bit. Why was he getting turned on so badly? But with this handsome creature upon him...Renji bit his lip. Damn! He could just play around for a bit...couldn't he? Experimenting, Renji rolled his hips upward and groaned at the friction it cause. He shivered as the sleeping Starrk let out a mumbled moan; white gloved fingers squeezing the back of his neck slightly. With another rock of his hips, Starrk's eyes opened and he looked at Renji with half lidded grey eyes.

Renji gulped. He had to stop. This was just physical attraction. He wasn't going to lie to himself. How did he know this hollow wasn't purposely seducing him in order to kill him or better yet-

"Renji, right?"

Renji shakily nodded his head in the midst of his thoughts.

Starrk smiled a bit. "Fuck me."

With an almost feral growl and a 'fuck you, conscious!'; Renji pushed Starrk off of him and onto the floor, hovering over the arrancar's body in hunger. Renji rarely made insanely stupid decisions (well...) but he wasn't going to deny himself of this arrancar underneath him. All thoughts of saving Orihime and meeting back up with his friends left his mind and he focused on the man below.

Starrk pulled the redhead man down and kissed him hard. There were no soft touches; no gentle caresses; it was rough just the way they liked it. Renji fisted those brown tresses and he nibbled and sucked at Starrk's neck; Starrk quietly gasping. Renji was careful not to go near the jaw like bone, not wanting to see if those teeth were actually sharp or not. Gloved finger crept down Renji's back to his waist, the hand gripping him tightly before forcing Renji to grind his hips down.

Both men groaned at the friction; Renji tearing his mouth away from the delectable neck in order to throw his cloak off and begin to undo his shihakusho. Starrk gently pushed Renji so he was on his back, helping pull off the bottom of the lieutenant's hakama and rid him of his underwear. Renji threw his shirt aside and began to undo his bandana and pull his hair out so it was free when the arrancar began to strip. Nearly drooling, Renji watched as Starrk teasingly pulled his gloves off and threw them to the side; beginning to undo his uniform top and maneuver out of his pants and underwear.

Throwing his sandals and socks god knows where, Renji helped pull Starrk's shoes off as well and immediately pinned the man beneath him once more. Starrk stared up at Renji, grey eyes hooded from lust. Renji smirked slightly, bringing the arrancar in for a kiss once more. Tongues battled for dominance; neither giving in to the other as tongues swirled and flicked at each other. Renji pulled back and pushed three fingers in front of Starrk's mouth. Starrk got the message as he opened his abused lips and sucked them into his mouth; sucking and occasionally biting at the longs rough padded fingers just to see the expressions Renji made.

Renji noticed this and he leaned down to Starrk's neck just before the mask of bone and bit down, hard. Starrk hissed in pain, digging his nails into Renji's shoulder's as the shinigami drew blood. Apologetically Renji lapped at the wound, chastely kissing Starrk on the cheek before pushing a finger in.

Starrk let out a huff of air, his head lolling backwards as he stared at the ceiling. When the second finger was added and the redhead managed to nudge at a particular bundle of nerves, Starrk arched his back and groaned lowly. Renji growled in an animalistic way at the sight and shoved the third and final finger in making sure to forcefully rub Starrk's sweet spot.

In response Starrk let out a shuddery moan and his hands gripped Renji's shoulders like a vice. Panting, Starrk smiled a bit. "Aren't you going...to put it...in?" he said between labored breaths. Renji licked his suddenly dry lips; pulling his fingers out of Starrk's tight ass. Renji was excited; Starrk had been so invitingly warm and super tight; the shinigami didn't want to wait anymore.

Slicking his erection up with saliva, Renji smirked down upon Starrk. "Want me to do this with you on your back or with your ass in the air?"

Starrk shook his head. "On my back. It's too troublesome to keep myself up with my knees."

Renji chuckled. "I noticed this awhile ago, slightly, but you seem like a really tired arrancar."

"Because I am." Starrk replied nonchalantly. Starrk pushed his ass onto the head of Renji's erection; shivering at the feel of a hot cock sliding around his most intimate area.

Renji choked on a groan as his angry red dick slid against Starrk's entrance. "I'm going in now. You ready?" Renji questioned while holding his cock directly before Starrk's entrance. Starrk nodded his head in response.

"Go right ahead, _Renji_." Starrk said his name seductively, and Renji felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand. For someone how claimed that sex was a bit troublesome, he sure seemed to make every moment of his so sexy. Was he even trying? Renji bit his lip a bit. He wondered how seductive Starrk could be when he was actually trying, if that was the case.

Renji pushed the palms of both hands on the floor on either side of Starrk's head, carefully pushing into the arrancar. Starrk hissed and clutched at Renji's shoulders as the head of Renji's swollen erection passed through the first ring of muscle. After that it was easier. Renji finally sheathed himself to the hilt; inhaling shaky breaths in order to calm himself down. Starrk was so tight; it almost _killed_ him _not_ to move. Starrk on the other hand was trying to push the pain away into the deepest and darkest part of his mind. There was that little side of pleasure hiding right behind to pain that Starrk needed to obtain; Starrk wasn't much of a masochist so getting aroused off of pain wasn't his style.

Renji seemed to sense this (if the scrunched up face was any indication) and the redhead shinigami kissed Starrk deeply while ever so slowly rocking his hips in and out. Starrk groaned into his mouth pleasurably as Renji happened to rock into his prostate. That's when everything was unlocked.

Shifting his hips to make himself more comfortable, Starrk moaned quietly while bucking his hips. "Move."

Renji nodded and complied at once; pulling almost all the way out before slamming in. Starrk let out a strangled gasp as Renji continuously pounded into his sweet spot; stars dancing across his vision.

Renji groaned as Starrk's tight orifice constricted around him again, and for a moment, he worried he'd come before Starrk. There was no way that was happening. Renji took Starrk's legs and put them over his shoulders, nearly bending him in half as he pistoned harder. Sneakily Renji brought his hand between their sweaty and built bodies before starting to pump Starrk's hard length.

"Ah fuck..." Starrk sighed, running his fingers through Renji's hair. Renji growled and stopped the rubbing of Starrk's cock for a few moments, lost in pleasure, before his eyes rolled to the back of his head when Starrk purposely tightened his contracting entrance around him.

"Hey play nice now," Renji said hoarsely, thrusting in particularly hard making Starrk's head snap back in pleasure.

"Mmn. Renji..." the brunette sighed. Renji shuddered; this guy's voice did sinful things to him.

Starrk pulled Renji down for a kiss and moaned deeply into his mouth, Renji shuddering when he felt something hot and sticky splatter across his stomach slightly. He lost any coherent thoughts as he groaned loudly, thrusting in hard one more time as he was milked of his release. Renji continued to kiss the arrancar beneath him as he rode out his orgasm, his hips occasionally twitching as the two simply held each other. Renji pulled back and gave a dopey smile. "Starrk."

Starrk gave an equally (if not lazier) dopey smile back. "Renji."

Renji snickered a bit as Starrk let his legs fall off Renji's shoulders, the brunette giving a heavy yet shuddery sigh. Starrk put an arm behind his head and his lips curled into a smile.

"That was nice."

Renji snickered a bit. "Oh really?" Burying his head into Starrk's neck (regretting so immediately as he scratched his face against sharp bone) he pulled away frowning. Starrk chuckled, grasping the redhead's face and licking at the small cut. Renji moved his cheek away to plant a kiss onto Starrk's nose. "You best keep your hands to yourself unless you want to go at it again." With that Renji pulled out causing Starrk to wrinkle his nose in discomfort.

"Grab the clothes..." Starrk murmured tiredly, eyes drooping. Renji almost blushed at the somewhat cute picture (Starrk had the most sexed up look to him so Renji wasn't sure how to look at it...). Almost confusedly Renji grabbed his shihakusho and Starrk's uniform, Starrk grabbing the articles of clothing. Renji felt the reasons dawn before him as Starrk covered them with Renji's shinigami uniform, Starrk using his own uniform as a pillow.

Renji laughed lightly. "Sleeping now are we?"

Starrk nodded his head. "Of course. Nobody will come here so let's just stay like this."

Renji smiled and kissed his temple. "If you say so."

Renji wrapped his arms around the arrancar and inhaled his scent, smiling a bit. This was so forbidden and wrong...but as Starrk began to snore and made a cute face in his sleep, Renji couldn't really bring himself to care.

* * *

The end~! XD

My god I loved this. *squees* One of my favourite lemons that I have ever wrote! X3 So this is uke!Starrk story one....I have a few more I'm doing, all thanks to a certain someone. XD I love this though...it worked out really nicely! :D Well I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Hope it was worth the read!!! :D :D Can some say RENJIxSTARRK=BLISS and WOOT UKE!STARRK?!?! 8D

Ending Quote: "I really abhor such tactics." -Starrk Coyote, Bleach (the scene where he sweeps Orihime off her feet, literally).

Katrina Tora ;3


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